A Writer, Blogger, Reader Journal, Discussions

The Awkward Duty and Ecstatic Joy of Comments // The Blogging Life

So yeah, back in July my second discussion was not successful and I have been procrastinating writing one since then even though every month I plan to write my next one… When you fail at something you’ve got to get up and do it again (OR SO I KEEP TELLING MYSELF…) otherwise you’ll forever avoid it!

So this month I bit the bullet and made a large opening in my schedule… and here it is… TADA! *wild round of applause* (I seriously doubted I could do this, but YAY I DID!)

Triangle Color Bar3

Problems with Rejection

I follow all of my blogs in my wordpress reader… I just LOVE that they are all in one place… It also means I can follow blogs impulsively, read their content over time and find posts that I genuinely identify with. (This is my process, yes!)

Have you ever done this then written a heartfelt comment (after stalking the blog) and all you received was a “thank you 🙂 ” in reply?

I have.

And it felt like the pits.

I have serious issues with comment rejection.

I admit it! I do! It’s a problem and as a blogger I should just suck it up.

It’s simply a part of the blogging life.

rejection gif - - Yahoo Image Search Results

It’s dark and anxiety contributing but hey, its real and I need to get over it… because there is ALSO SO MUCH LOVE!!

I’ve obviously been thinking A LOT about comments. Don’t we all? (Please tell me other bloggers worry about comments too?! Replying to them, leaving them and even receiving them!?)

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The Ecstatic Joys Feather breaker graphic 3

#1 – The Knowledge You Aren’t Alone.

I LOVE everything that I put out on my blog. When you are passionate THE BEST THING EVER is to hear that someone else gets it.

They may simply be telling you they understand how you feel, they’ve had a reading experience like that in the past. You may get to fangirl over a ship (you’ve finally read the book everyone has been talking about)! No matter what I’m sharing, a comment says I HEAR YOU… (Take that comment rejection!)

Feather breaker graphic 1

#2 – Feeling the Connection.

Whenever I see a review for a book I’ve already read I always try to drop in and read what they have to say… Or if its a book I’m ANTICIPATING highly I’ll read spoiler free reviews to get a sense of what the community feels. Commenting builds bridges between me and other readers and is a HUGE part of why I read blogs!

Those reviews may totally disagree with how I felt about the book. Sometimes I read wildly different opinions and having not read the book my curiosity is aroused… Either WAY I’m leaving my mark on the network and its a joyous thing!

Feather breaker graphic 8

#3 – Finding the Ones.

Presenting my own ideas is just the first step to me… I want to find the ones. They write sincere comments on your blog and you excitedly comment back! These special people hang around your blog… you just click! There is an exchange of ideas that make a dialogue with them free and flowing.

YES I would love to be validated with 100 comments! But I’m more ecstatic to find friends…

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The Awkward DutiesFeather breaker graphic 7

#1 – Replying 1,576,024 Years Later…

I LOVE comments! Who doesn’t?! Just the sheer validation that your thoughts aren’t a jumbled mess, knowing that a real human being is reading and having their own thoughts in return is a sheer joy! What did they say?! What did they say?!

rejection gif - - Yahoo Image Search Results

But they take a HUGE amount of time to read and reply back to. (I STILL LOVE THEM!) And I don’t want to be a “thank you 🙂 ” sort of replyer. I need a dedicated block of time and sometimes that doesn’t appear for a couple days. I try really hard to not allow more than 3 days to pass because AWKWARD, but sometimes I have to FORGIVE MYSELF.

Far better to rely sincerely when I have time then to dash off a quick reply!

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#2 – What Do I Say? *Shame*

I’m a total introvert… A blog is a great way to connect with others outside of myself but its also AWKWARD! Small talk has never been my forte. So yeah sometimes I’m ashamed to admit I read a post and don’t know what to say…?

box of shame gifs - - Yahoo Image Search Results

I WANT to say something! I’m thinking things… I’m inspired, but the WORDS WON’T COME! Whhhhhyyyyyyy? (Because I’m an introvert, if you’re one you understand then…) Sometimes I slink away and come back days later… other times I write what I can get out.

It may be awkward but its sincere… and I do MY BEST!

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#3 – TOOOO many blogs, not ENOUGH time…

I LOVE finding new blogs! I share my favorite posts from the week in a post every Saturday, BECAUSE I feel each and every blogger has ideas and thoughts that are worthy of being validated. This means I follow 249,576 blogs (#kiddingnotkidding ONLY over 250!) so yeah I can’t read every post.

It’s physically impossible as each post takes approx 5-7 minutes each just to read! So why didn’t that blog post rate reading?! Well to be honest it TOTALLY should have been read by me… AWKWARD! There simply isn’t enough time to read everything that I WANT to…

not enough time gif - - Yahoo Image Search Results

This means priorities. I ALWAYS comment back (meaning comment on the blog of someone who has commented on my post)! It’s simple… they DESERVE to be a priority because I was a priority for them… #sorrynotsorry

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Well *ahem* because of such “scarring” experiences I have a love and hate relationship with comments and I wondered if others do too? What are the joys and duties of commenting FOR YOU?! Do you feel comment rejection? Or commenting shame?

thanks for reading, XOXO

Dani Signature


35 thoughts on “The Awkward Duty and Ecstatic Joy of Comments // The Blogging Life”

  1. Well, well, well. This was such a wonderful post, Dani. I relate on so many levels!!! There’s just toooooo many blogs out there for me to put allllllllll my time into them and only end up barely getting a “proper” reply. There’s also those for whom I visit in hopes of learning from them and building a relationship, and maybe… just maybe.. hoping that they would come check MY content to see how MY mind works and what kind of PERSONALITY I might have… Then.. well.. I don’t ever hear from them and they just keep on posting and replying to their comments. I mean sure… there’s no law out there saying that if you visit someone, they should visit back. I see it more as… courtesy? Hidden book blogger norms? I don’t know, maybe it’s just me hahaha In the end, I post what I want, and give my attention to those who take the time to check out mine… Of course if everyone were to have such a mentality, there would simply be no interaction unless people visit other bloggers MAINLY for the content. I guess I’m more looking to connect with the blogger than the content. It’s probably why I don’t mind reading reviews of books I’d never read, for example hahaha Well snap.. Your post has me thinking about a whole blogging hidden system hahahah Again, WONDERFUL post, Dani!! 😀

    1. Thanks Lashaan! 🙂 And I know exactly what you are getting at… in fact some of my FAVORITE bloggers read things I WOULD NEVER read or, well, at least for the most part… I ENJOY their posts immensely though because they’ve allowed a connection to grow (which I seriously appreciate!) And you know its softened me up and allowed me to think about expanding my horizons… I admit I too have been disappointed in the past when I’ve tried to build a relationship and got no where… it makes me treasure those that I have met and do have a relationship with!

      1. Introverts unite!! 😛 I can at least assure you that YOUR content will always be fun to read! You’ve got me discovering a bunch of books too!! Oh and I ain’t so good at small talk either, I let others start it hahaha

  2. Omg I totally agree! And I think it goes both ways. It’s always awkward when there’s those short posts and your comment is almost as long as the post. Or when (like you said) there is some “comment rejection”. Comments are so cool and I mean, they’re what I strive for, but yet they’re honestly more work than the actual posts themselves! It’s so hard to get a good balance.
    As far as reading other blogs, I used to use WordPress, but I never checked it so I went to email. Then with email it was terrifying and too many things to click so I have ~800 unread emails and they’re all posts. Oops? So I transferred to Bloglovin’ because the RSS feed helped me keep track of things, but after the issues/blow-up thing that happened a while back, I ended up switching to feedly. (It’s also an RSS feed) It’s super nice, the app is super user-friendly, and I love that I can make categories. It’s fabulous and I don’t know what I did without it. ☺️

    1. Hi Amy!! You are so sweet and awesome to bit the bullet and leave me my first comment on this discussion!! And I’m so terrible to have left in languishing in the corner… *cries* I accepted these 4 thinking they would have lots of company and when they weren’t I totally flaked these… Thank goodness for wrap up posts!

      Now I AM TOTALLY INTRIGUED by you using feedly! I tried bloglovin and it was harder than wordpress… And emails annoy me because commenting is hard from there… so I read them but never visit the site! Is Feedly an app or a website? I DO LOVE the idea of categories so those I want to check daily can be one list and my followbacks and appreciation blogs can be another… I think the point for me with comments is to find those that I flow with so that replies AREN’T difficult or at least things naturally come to mind! ❤ I sooooo appreciate you and again I'm soooo sorry!

      1. Hahaha not at all! It’s totally fine. 😉
        YAY! I completely agree. It’s always the commenting factor. Feedly is both an app and a website. It took me a bit to get used to the app because there isn’t much to it, but after I figured it out, it was super nice and simple. The categories are amazing (I just use favorites/all book blogs usually) and I should definitely use them more! I know you can also save specific posts too which is nice.
        Absolutely! Haha thanks, don’t apologize though! Don’t worry about it. 😉 I appreciate your reply as well!

  3. Ahh yes I totally know what you mean- I’ve written some really long comments before that have just got a quick “thanks”- and I get that bloggers are busy (believe me, I get it) but I also know that the super long comments that are really well thought out are rare- if I can’t get to something immediately I make a note and go back to it so I can give it my full attention. I do love the joys of comments and feeling a connection with a blogger when I comment/receive comments 😀 But you’re so right about it taking a while to reply. But I do have to admit that a lot of the time, my brain is just tired or i’m just thinking “cool”- I honestly don’t always have much to say after reading a post. At the same time, I understand when people write shorter comments, and I hope people can forgive me for doing the same. Anyhoo awesome post!!

    1. Hi Orangutan… yes it is me after leaving your comment ALONE for so long… I okayed them thinking they’d be joined by a bunch more that never came and i forgot these in my depression… so sorry! (I should have written myself a note!! – Why didn’t I think of that?!)

      Actually I quite enjoy your shorter comments! (Not that long ones like this one are not enjoyed I’m ECSTATIC over it!) Just you do write pretty thoughtful short comments too… I’ve even seen them on other blogs and think how spot on they are… Glad to here there is someone else out there that also struggles with something to say at times… because comment replying happens at night peeps! hahhhaha. ❤

      1. Ahh no worries- I often leave comments a while and totally forget them!! (as you probably know 😉 )

        hahaha oh thank you!! That really makes me feel better about that (cos sometimes I feel guilty about it) but I know right!! I so relate hahahaha ❤

  4. Excellent post. I love comments and I try to respond in a way that shows I really appreciate someone taking the time out to comment. But, yeah, frequently it comes down to time and that goes for reading other blogs as well as responding to comments. I am still trying to figure out better time management skills. 🙂

  5. This is such a wonderful post and resonated with me on so many levels. I’m just starting to get into discussion posts and the thought of no one commenting is TERRIFYING because as you said, we 1) love everything we put into our blogs and 2) it’s a little personal part of our minds that we’re throwing into the Universe (especially terrifying for us introverts). I’ll completely drain my phone batter hitting “refresh” to get my latest blogging stats just to see if I’ve connected with somebody. And I get what you mean about replying back to blog posts – I always want to make sure they’re extra thoughtful, so I give myself a break on how fast I need to reply back. Quality over speed, right? 🙂

    1. Hi Mallory! I love your comment! I know that it took me two weeks to reply (I forgot I okayed these 5 comments since I expected more *cries*) but it’s equally heartbreaking when you wrote a wonderful reply to a post (like your comment on my discussion) and the blogger (me) doesn’t reply back! GAH, so sorry…

      With people participating due to memes sometimes I am astonished at the shallowness of comments… I try super hard to relate to the lovely people who read my posts… I love to hear what others think that is WHY I blog! I don’t even care that it is different from what I think… that to me is the beauty of blogging! ❤

  6. This is a really interesting discussion. Yes, I’ve felt comment rejection. But then I tell my worrying brain (because I’ve start to think that I said something wrong) that the person is probably an introvert, which I am too (and it doesn’t matter if it’s online or face-to-face, speaking to others doesn’t come easily – which you probably don’t notice since I’m writing a long comment), and it makes me feel not so rejected.

    Also, a few times I don’t reply right away because I don’t know what to say. Okay, maybe I know what to say, but I need to find the proper words -English isn’t my first language- and I want my reply to mean something. I want the person who reads my reply to know that I was being sincere; to know that I read and loved her/his comment (because every comment I receive if loved) – of course, if I have in the comment section five people telling me how pretty a cover is, my brain just doesn’t make up five very different answers and they probably will think that I just used a standard response as “thank you”.

    Happy readings!
    Tânia @MyLovelySecret

  7. Great topic, Dani! I must admit, commenting is kind of a hot topic for me. Basically (and there’s just no way to say this without sounding petty) I hate when it’s one-way. I have followed blogs (that I no longer follow) where I read posts, left meaningful comments, time and time again, and never got a single acknowledgement. I mean, I get it… I know we all have lives but still, I firmly believe if someone takes the time to read your content *and* takes additional time to comment on what you had to say, you should acknowledge that and engage in some way. I always respond to every comment on my blog. I just think it’s important. I also try to reciprocate. If a commenter is also a blogger, I always try to visit their blog and read and comment. I mean, that’s how we make friends and become part of the community! Sorry if I got on a tangent (LOL) but obviously this is something I care about. 🙂

    Tanya @ Girl Plus Books

    1. Hi Tanya! I love your comment! No tangent at all… Of course I have committed a grievous SIN by NOT commenting back… I actually assumed I would have a lot of comments and okayed these without replying and them promptly forgot about them due to the fact only 5 comments! Anyway NO EXCUSES (but please forgive me!?)

      I am very shocked when I hear NOTHING back (like on this comment again, so sorry!) as the reason I put all these posts out isn’t to hear myself talk but because I want to hear what OTHERS have to say too… they don’t even have to agree with me! I think the world can be a diverse place and we can occupy our spots next to one another (sorry this is another post!)

      That is why I like to return comments… Everyone has a valid voice and I like celebrating that fact…

      1. Oh goodness, no apologies needed! I feel like I really put my foot in my mouth and made you feel bad. Not my intention, I promise! {hugs} Like you, I am really surprised when I get nothing back at all. It makes me feel that my comments are pointless. Like, if they’re just going out there in the void, why am I bothering? When people comment back, and even visit back, it just creates this feeling of community. And I know that sounds cheesy but I don’t care. LOL 🙂

      2. YES! The thing I find so fascinating is that I connect MORE with bloggers where we don’t have the same reading tastes! Isn’t that odd?!

        BTW I know you were trying to beat me up (hahhha I can do that well enough myself) but you are so sweet! Thank you for your kind words ♥️

  8. I feel you a lot. And I might be culprit of wrote super short answers to comments? Honestly I don’t remember because, well, short memory. But I try my best, sometimes even answering with too much long caption and adding subjectas, because i really want to engage a discussion.

    I get that getting a super short answer burn. Plus I’m always super anxious about getting an answer and everytime I see no “typical-book blogger-answer-rant” I felt like: did I ask something bad? What I’ve done?

  9. It wasn’t successful? How? I only remember good discussions on your blog 🙂 which one was it and why was it unsuccessful? Anyway, about comments… I hope I’ve always answered yours properly 🙂 I sometimes answer half-heartedly when I am tired, and I feel bad about that. But I try to pay more attention, because long comments are always such a win! And I looooove them! And you are aaaaaaabsolutely right about finding like-minded people! Only they reply in essay-comments 😀 also, sorry I am not making paragraphs, it annoys me as well, but I am reading this through the reader, and if I press enter on my phone, it will just post the whole comment instead of making a paragraph 😀 so I’ll just continue my thoughts… but I usually don’t mind if people take forever to answer 😀 I just go back and refresh my memory when they do xD anyway… I’ll be sharing your post this week 🙂 noting it now. Nice discussion!

  10. This was a lovely discussion, Dani, thank you so much for sharing this 🙂 Comments bring me so much joy – they’re probably the reason why I keep on blogging, and where I find this sense of community, in all of the lovely comments shared on my and other blogs around the blogosphere. ❤ There IS some sense of duty, in answering your own comments, but it's totally okay if you don't answer right away or just don't know what to say all the time. I have learned to take my time with this, even if I always try to answer fast, sometimes, it'sokay to take our time, as long as we don't "reject" people… Just like you mentioned in your first point. I am always scared of rejection when it comes to commenting on other people's blogs, ahah. I do my best and, especially when I had loads of things to say, and wanted to start a conversation, getting nothing back is always a bit frustrating ahah 🙂
    Sorry, I am rambling a bit here ahah. Thank you for the thoughtful post 🙂

  11. Great post! Ugh I definitely feel very guilty not replying soon… and I think behind a “Thank you!” reply is just an awkwardness of not knowing what to say and still wanting to reply and say you appreciate the person’s comment… at least that is what I mean when I reply like that!

  12. Oh my goodness, the comment thing. I have legitimately stopped following blogs because their comment responses are terrible or petty. In my opinion if you don’t have anything constructive or valid to respond with, just click like and keep moving. I’d rather just get a comment like than see an obviously uncaring response. The “Thank you!”s just…there are no words to effectively express my eye rolls. Maybe that is just me.

    In conclusion, great post, love those colorful feather graphics!

  13. It’s funny that you mention this cause I made a post a while ago about how people would always like my posts but would never leave comments. I like getting likes don’t get me wrong but sometimes, like you, I want to know what actually went through your mind. I also realize though that people are shy, busy or a while host of other things so sometimes all they have time to do is like and there’s also the fact that I’m self hosted so it’s an extra click to come comment from the reader I think.
    Anyway, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I am not the thank you type of person either. I want to really engage! Sometimes I think it takes people time to open up more and break from their normal blog habits but that’s just my theory, haha. Sorry for such a long comment!

  14. Comment rejection used to make me never want to write a comment again, but now I’m just like WHATEVER! I don’t mind if people take forever to respond to a comment because I usually forgot I wrote it anyway 😂 And I’m so happy about receiving a comment that I usually respond within a day, but I understand why some people don’t 🙂 Great discussion post! I’ve been interested in what other people thought about this.

  15. I’m starting to get concerned I don’t get notified about everything on my blog/blogs I follow? I had an email to say someone replied to my comment but it didn’t show on my notifications on WordPress (I’ve checked my settings and nothing seems amiss). I’ve also wondered if the feed thing works like Facebook and doesn’t show you everything :/

  16. In regards not always knowing what to say, that’s why I always include a question or two at the end of all my posts (and I see that you do too!), because I feel the same way on blogs sometimes! And when blogs have questions, it’s so helpful. And I totally agree that during those times when I just don’t have the time or have too much arm pain, I’ll just simply return visits to the people who’ve commented on my blog rather than seeking out blog posts on my own. The people who’ve taken time to comment on my blog get priority 🙂

    But I say don’t worry so much about responding in three days. Some bloggers take a week or two, I don’t actually keep track (I usually respond within a couple days but prob take like a week or so sometimes), and I think people understand that we have lives. And don’t get down about the “thank you” responses. Maybe they were just busy and would rather show their appreciation by using their time to visit your blog instead of typing a long reply 🙂

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